But for a moment, there, heart banging violently inside my chest, blood boiling, head spinning, voice failing, I knew who I was. I screamed so loudly in my head I scared my own soul. I would rather starve than eat your bread. Everything I lived through brought me to this day, shaking in my skin, fighting the urge to run away from here. “I don’t want to be where I’m not wanted”, I said ad naseum, thinking of my family and friends back home eagerly awaiting to see me. When a sudden wave of criticism is poured over you, you’ll either retract and compress, or you’ll come back swinging. I’m in neither those states. I knew who I was, as words like spears flew above my head. For some reason, knowing this was enough. I wouldn’t fall to my knees, and I wouldn’t swell to a rage. No one will take my dragons.
One day, when all of this is over, I’ll look at this moment in time and either love or regret my decision. But I must make one.