I finally watched Star Wars, and I’ve got questions

After a Star wars marathon on Christmas day, I’ve finally corrected this problem – having no f-in idea what everyone kept talking about. [Disclaimer: I had seen parts of the movies when I was a kid, maybe episode V in all its glory, but for the life of me couldn’t remember much]. So here are my takeaways from the first 3 movies:

star-wars-episode-iv-luke-leia-screencap-the-skywalker-family-12747313-1600-674

  • I can’t believe Darth Vader actually dies. And the Emperor. What the hell, Lucas? I was expecting so much more villainy coming from them badass dark force lovers.
  • How come Storm troopers can’t seem to hit anyone with fancy weapons and damn Ewoks with stones beat the s*** out of them?
  • Why does Luke have no personality? His whole family dies and he barely reacts to it, but then he’s all revengy after Kenobi’s disappearance. Makes zero sense.
  • How did Leia and Han Solo get lovey-dovey all of a sudden? I feel like I missed something, he went from being a sexist jerk to the love of her life, what even happened there.
  • How can everyone understand whatever R2D2 or Chewbacca are saying? Chewie literally just grunts, yet everyone reads his mind or something.
  • Why is everyone blonde with blue eyes in the first movie?
  • Are there no females in the future galaxies, except for princesses, dancer slaves and dead aunts?
  • How come Vader’s star fleet keeps shooting and nothing happens to the rebels?
  • On this note, what is this sorcery of loud explosions IN SPACE?
  • Where did Obi Wan Kenobi go, and is this his Jedi name? I thought he was just Ben.

P.S. [Escrevi este texto em inglês porque vi os filmes com o meu marido, com o qual comunico nesta língua, e estas foram as perguntas que fiz. Ele encolheu os ombros e disse que eu sou esquisita]

Disclaimer #2: I watched the Ewoks spin-off as a pre-teen and I know I have it somewhere in VHS. I can’t remember anything other than it’s in some forest. Is it worth it though?

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